My daughter is in a three way polygamous relationship
Hi Mark,
I've just discovered that my 22-year-old daughter is in a polygamous relationship. I went to visit her in her new flat, where she is living with a 33 year old male and a girl of the same age as her. When I visited her, I saw how touchy-feely they all were together, but I didn't say anything. Once I left I held it in for a week but decided to take some of your advice and approach the situation. She then told me how she's in this three-way relationship and how she sometimes sleeps with the man, sometimes the girl, and sometimes all at the same time! I know that life is very different these days, but I'm just worried about how young she is and what she's getting herself into. Please help
'Marks response'
Well, I'm glad you've taken the time to write in about this matter and also that you've already approached your daughter about how you feel regarding her new situation.
Sometimes I think to myself; how well do parents really know their children? Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure from wiping your child's bum for the first few years or giving them a cuddle when the boy at school dumps them for some other pretty girl, you probably know them better than anyone ever really will. BUT when it comes down to their personal activities, like sex, their likes and dislikes in the bedroom, can you really answer that question?
I think that our children let us know what they want us to know; try to remember back to when you were her age and how you lived your life. I'm not suggesting that you experimented and got up to all sorts (not that there is anything wrong with that! And if you didn't, it's never too late to try something new!), but I'm sure some of the things you've experienced behind closed doors, you wouldn't have told your parents about. You certainly would not expect them to understand everything?!
I've always found it strange how we as humans, look at our sexual relationships and attach ourselves to that one person for the rest of our lives. I'm not saying I want to start having sex with multiple people or that I would be happy for my partner to either; no, believe me, I really could never watch my partner being touched by someone else or even accept the thought of it happening at all. What I was trying to say, is that I understand that people are becoming more aware, that maybe one person might not be able to fulfil their sexual requirements and that maybe in the future, people will remove the jealousy from their lives and this will actually become the norm. It's actually really not that unheard of these days, to be honest, but as us being British, with the stiff upper lip, we don't talk about these things too often.
I completely understand where you're coming from when it comes to wanting to protect your daughter and point her in the right direction in life. But what you might think is right, might actually be left for her. Life is about all the experiences you encounter along the way and unfortunately, not all of them will be the right ones. Let your daughter make her own decisions in life, but be there for her when she actually needs you, not when you think she does.
The world we live in now is getting so busy. It seems that every day something new is being done that will change our perception of things. If your daughter continues down this path, you never know, you may actually learn something yourself from it. I think from what you've said, this will run its course at some point, and later down the line, it will be a fun conversation around the dinner table when you reminisce about old times.