I feel like life doesn't challenge me anymore
Hi Mark,
I was wonder if you could help me with how I feel my life is these days. From the outside, I have everything that I would want and need, also I have enough money to live a lifestyle that many would only dream of. The problem is that I don't seem to feel anything these days. I try and attempt new things, but I don't like to fail, so I never really put myself out there. I'm not saying I'm depressed or unhappy, although I do feel low at times. I'm just confirming that I know I don't appreciate what I've got and how lucky I am. What's your suggestion to help me with getting back on track.
'Marks response'
I think everyone wonders what it would be like to be rich and have an endless amount of money in the bank. I would say that a large amount of my younger days were wasted thoughts of how can I get to that point, or will it ever happen to me. Apart from winning the lottery or robbing a bank, I don't really see this ever happening. To be honest, these days I'm not really that desperate to be one of those people who constantly chase money or counts their pennies on every occasion they can. No, these days, the thoughts are few and far between. I would say that I feel OK with where I've managed to get myself and I'm at a stage in my life, where I can sit back a little and see how money can change and destroy you if you let it.
I've worked hard over the years to get me to a point in life, where things have become a little bit more easy and if you were to ask me, would I change how I got here; no, I don't think I would. I think that what you put into life, will reflect on what you get out and I'm sure you feel the same way about your life. Thinking about it, anything you first start in life will always be a hard task to complete. Unfortunately, this is life, you see. It starts from a very early age, from crawling on all fours to taking your first steps to then running up that hill. If you don't believe me, pick something you've never done before? Anything. Let's just say, baking a cake. Now, if we pretend you've never baked a cake before and this is your first attempt, how do you think it will turn out? It may actually turn out just fine; look good and even taste good. But I bet you, if you were to bake that cake a hundred times more, you would perfect every part; every step; every single little extra thing you learned along the way.
What I'm trying to say is, don't expect anything you do in life, to be easy when you first attempt it and if it is easy, then there's something wrong!
You may come from a wealthy family or even had the opportunity to marry into one, but never forget the value of the things around you and what it takes to keep them there. If you don't know these values, then I suggest you take a different route, for one day. It may be that you've just got to use to your lifestyle now and you've become distant from the things that should actually matter to you. Do you know how much a loaf of bread cost? When was the last time you took a bus into town or spoke to a stranger in the street? All these things will give you a little kickback into what your reality is and how good you really have it.
The last time I needed to give myself a little kick, I decided to get the train into London and then catch the bus from there to my friend's house. I was very proud of myself for doing this and even enjoying the experience of looking for the right bus to catch and where to stand and put my arm out; you know, just like when I was a little kid, getting the bus to and from school. I've been back and forth on the train, many times, but buses are a little different these days. For instance, did you know, that you have to have the correct amount to get to your destination or they won't let you on the bus! Or I suppose they would probably just charge you what you have because they don't give change; I mean how funny is that?
Imagine: there's me with my headphones on, so I can't hear anything the bus driver is saying to me. I just say where I want to go and try and pass him a £20 note through that little plastic screen they have these days, to protect themselves from people like me and the public.
But when I see his mouth moving for the third time and he's still not taking my £20 note, I decide to remove my headphones and ask what the problem was. You see, even though it had been at least 20 years since I'd been on a bus, I still seemed to think I was coming home from school. I had fallen back into the routine of saying where I wanted to stop, get my ticket and then take my seat. The problem was, when I finally took my headphones off, the driver; not shouting, but you could tell he probably had a long day and didn't have time for someone like me on his route.
Me: What's that mate?
Bus driver: As I've already told you, you can't get on the bus without the correct change.
Me: What? You're having a laugh, aren't you?
Bus driver: Does it look like I am having a laugh? You either give me the right change or you can't get on.
Me: Hold on, when did this happen then.
Bus driver: About 6 years ago, now you need to make a decision.
I'm not the kind of person who gives up on the first sign of a problem, so I turn to my fellow passengers to come to my rescue.
Me: Anyone on here got change for a £20 note?
They're all looking at me to say "you're not supposed to talk to the other passengers, what's wrong with you?!".
So I pipe up again: " is anyone able to help me out, all I want to do is get to my friend's house".
I wonder to myself, would it be different if I was wearing a little skirt and my name was Stacey. Finally, a nice lady stands up and digs into her purse, and passes me the £2.50 that I needed.
"Thank you", I say and for some reason, I also say "no good deed goes unpunished". What I meant was, if there's a god, then this will reflect well on you, but I'm not sure she got that from it.
After I managed to stop off at the right spot and turn up unexpectedly at my friend's house, I had time to reflect on what I had just done. You see, I could have just driven. Simply get in my car; not speak to anyone or interact with the normal daily hustle and bustle of life, that is constantly going on, with or without you. But I didn't, I chose to try something small, all be it, but big enough to take me out of my comfort zone and make me never want to take a bus again.
My suggestion to you is to try something new and fail at it; fail a hundred times and if needed, fail it a hundred times more. This can be anything you want, the harder it is, the better a fail it will be, the first time you do it. From this, you will gain two outcomes. One will be the fact that you appreciated that it's a choice you've made and if you really don't want to do it again, you never have to. The second will be that failing is OK. To fail is to eventually succeed, the more you try at it, the better you will become.
Personally, I think if you're able to get through these low times, then the high times will seem so much higher.