I think my neighbour has had enough of us arguing

by Mark
1 year ago

Hi Mark,

My husband and I argue a lot and I think my neighbour doesn't like to listen. MY neighbour is getting me down, though we have never met. We’ve lived here for a year and this neighbour moved in next door two months ago.

She lives alone and is probably in her fifties while my husband and I are in our thirties. My husband has a loud voice. We had a row the week after she arrived and she banged on the wall, which I found so embarrassing.

A week later we argued in the garden about cutting the grass. I knew our neighbour was outside and heard every word.

I am a private person and don’t like the idea of anyone knowing our business.

My husband says he doesn’t care what she thinks but I’m walking on eggshells. We have moved around a lot in the past. I don’t want to move again.

'Marks response'

Listening to neighbours arguing is entertainment that is up there with a good movie or a night out. I haven't heard my neighbours argue since I moved into my new home, but if I did, I would get the popcorn out and sit back in a comfortable chair listening in for the juicy bits ‘he said this’ and ‘she did that.

I think the question you might need to ask yourself is why did your last neighbour move out in the first place? You say you're a private person and you don't like the thought of people knowing your business, but for someone who admits to arguing in the garden about the way the grass has been cut, I don't think this is something you can commit yourself too.

Do you honestly feel that arguing over these kind of things is part of a healthy normal relationship, and when I say normal… I mean with good balance?

Rather than how your neighbours feel about the situation, I think your problems are a lot more concerning than the arguments you both are having with each other. Personally, I would concentrate all your energies on trying to make your relationship a better one. Start firstly by having your own space and private time. In these last few, unsettling covid months, people have had more mental health problems than ever and it's not surprising that relationships have been put under more pressure than normal. If you do feel that this is normal for you and the covid situation hasn't made a difference to the relationship and lifestyle, then you may need to take a step back and really look around you! As from the outside you will see, people don't normally argue over these situations and worry about their neighbours listening in.

I personally would take the time to knock on the neighbour's door and apologise. Explain that you and your partner have been having a few issues and that you're embarrassed that you're having to introduce yourself in this way. It's always a good idea to get along with your neighbours and keep them on your side, as you never know when you may need them.

P.S. A nice bottle of wine goes far when making new friends.