Dating people who don't look like their profile picture

by Mark
3 years ago

Hi Mark,

The problem is, every time I match with someone they never turn out to be the person they portray themselves as. They seemed to have their best pictures up or they don't even look anything like their pictures when I meet up with them.

I am a single man aged 32 and I have honestly been on so many dates in the last few years, that I'm getting fed up. I would really like to meet a genuine person who isn't just interested in meeting up, having a free meal, and then jumping into bed with each other. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed myself in the past and it has sometimes been very fun. But these days I'm more interested in a long term thing, than a short term fling.

What can I do? Please help

'Marks response'

This was always an issue I had to deal with when I was on the single train and it seems to be something everyone has to also put up with these days. I can't tell you how many times I met up with matches from Tinder; POF; and had to deal with a person who clearly had put a filtered picture, and I mean CLEARLY! of themselves and thought that I wouldn't notice, or would turn a blind eye to the fact they're two stone heavier and five years older. NO!

These people must know that when you do meet up with them you're obviously going to see a difference! To me, It's something only a desperate person would really do. Think about it. If you put a picture up of yourself and let’s forgive the fact that people put the best pics up of themselves, as we all do; it's not like you're going to volunteer a bad picture, is it.

Say you put a pic up that's a few years out of date and you've gained an extra couple of belt holes and lost a bit of hair. When you do meet up with that person who thinks you've still got that 32-inch waist and a full head of hair all washed and blow-dried, What do you think they're going to say to themselves? If they are a nice person, they are going to be polite and maybe have a drink with you, but they will make their excuses and get the hell out of there. All you've done is waste your time and theirs. All because in my opinion, and it's only my opinion, you're so desperate to meet someone that you will pretend to be someone you're not! Only to be disappointed that the other person doesn't want you and for you to feel even more depressed about the whole situation. I know this isn't you, but I would like to point this fact out to people who are delusional about their own situation, and hopefully someone will read this and understand. You just need to be you, and when you do finally meet someone, they will be meeting the real you, not a made-up fictional you that you wish you still were.

Now back to your problem. What you need to do is change the way you meet these people and where you meet them for a start. Think about where you've matched with these people and what kind of person you're matching with. If I was you, and I was, I would start by going to sites that are slightly better at attracting the real people in this world. This starts with paying money, unfortunately! Stay away from the good old free dating apps as it’s like anything in life, if it’s free then people don't really care to much and you don't know what you might attract.

Don't waste your time going out on ‘Date Dates’.. What I mean by this, is getting all dressed up and booking a meal or something special for you both to do. No. What you want to do is something simpler like meet up for a dog walk, or even meet on your lunch break while at work! It just has to be when you have something that you need to do, and you're not bothered if someone else pops along. This way you've not put yourself out and you will both be more casual about the situation. Also, it saves on money and getting your hopes up if it doesn't work out.

I hope you do meet someone and that someone is what you expected. Remember relationships are based on compromises and we all have to understand that our expectations always far exceed the real thing.

Good luck